Smokes

*Breathe out,
Smokes in my eyes,
In a room of people,
Called 'Friends.'
Doing their own things.
Thinking of their own self.
How can you expect they be forever,
when 'ends' is in the word?
I see no future.

*Breathe out,

Smokes in my eyes,

At the balcony, with a favorite 'friend',

She's there, but she's not there.

In the realm of cyberspace,
What's the use of being here, when you're not here,

Be here, or be there.

I see no future.

*Breathe out,

Smokes in my eyes,

Outside, a break from knowledge,

Trying to wake me up,

50 other people, just like me,

Looking around and thinking about the future,

I see no future.

*Breathe out,

Smokes in my eyes,

Four walls surrounds me,

It stinks.

Place of the devil,

Thinking of an angelic future.

I see no future.

*Breathe out,

Smokes in my eyes,

At the balcony again,

Fresh air, beautiful day,

But the shade darken my vision.

Hoping these 10 puffs

Will entertained me, calmed me, revealed me.

Looking down,

Cars passing by, life in motion, time ticking.

Looking straight,

In blank space, hoping to see the future,

I see no future.

In a dark place,

Involuntary movements,

The fresh air comes in,

but few survived to be filtered.

It's getting darker and blacker,

Every time smokes come in the eyes,

It sees no future. 

Room of Emptiness and Voidness

Lost in the company of blind people.

Searching for a way out, while lingering in the dark.

Room of emptiness and voidness.

Is filled with laughters and friends.

How can it feel wrong and right at the same time?

Hands of time run as if the Past is haunting them,
While the Present is rocking out,
The Future stares in worriment and weariness.

Room of emptiness and voidness.
Is filled with silence and colleagues.
Stares left and right,
To the surrounding people, the time,
And the people looking down.
Wondering if this surgeon can pull it off?
With the life or death of this patient
in his hands, in his mind, and in his future.

It's ticking...
The mind should be on the mission,
But it wonders off to a question:
"Is any of this worth it?"

Candles give out light, while it melt to death.
Tree produce oxygen, while it falls one by one.
A bastard is born, without knowing what love is.

Darkness will bring him down,
Deaths will haunt him,
Despair will kill him.

"Is any of this worth it?"

But right now, he's in this room.
Room of emptiness and voidness
Filled with laughter and friends.

I, Then, Realized I Haven't Been...Me

I read a poem.
It was a beautiful poem.

I, then, realized how lost I was
Comparing to mine.

I read my poems and, then, realized
How blonde I am.

I've been writing poems, superficially.
Just the top layers of my life and feelings.

I haven't been communicating
The physical with the abstract.

I, then, realized it's because I haven't been feeling.
I haven't been living.

I haven't been writing,
Or even, trying.

I'm sorry.

Can You Kill A God?

I'm not scared of death.
But I am scared of not seeing my love ones
Again.

Death.
It is fear.
But it's not fear of the
Unknown.
It's the fear of the not saying:
Goodbye.

It means, we'll meet again.
Somehow.
A reason.
One day.
In the afterlife.

In the 21st century,
"Goodbye"
is never used.
It's always 'bye."
Because "Goodbye," is the
End.

God just take.
Private property is nothing.
Screw Plato.
We belong to God.
Everyday, every part.

All of our wishes is that in our dying time,
we'll say:
"Goodbye"
to our love ones.

It's never the ideal situation.
We are just gone.

The stuff we do to kill a god.
Just for the Goodbye.
Yeah, you are not fighting for
Freedom.
Your country.
Your pride.
Just a Goodbye.

Just a Goodbye.
It's sad, actually.
Because we deserve so much more.

That's why every life we meet.
We should touch.
Influence them.
Like that, we are never gone.
We will live forever.
We will never say Goodbye.

Life's a Dream?

How do we know?
How?
When we achieved our dreams?

Isn't dreams immoral?
Then we will never get them right?

When we get our dream girl?
No, cause we will have a dream for them?

When we have our dream job?
No, cause we will have a goal for it?

Why is life so unable to be achieved?
It's sad?
or
It's happy?

I want you. Period.

I'm drunk, but it's only because I love you.

Why are you even with him?
You deserve so much better than him.
Just like the flower who deserves better than the bee.

The bee just works hard,
but he doesn't have any real feeling for the flower.
The beautiful graceful flower.

I should have said something to the flower.
Because I had feelings for the flower since I first saw her
2 years ago.

Haha. I was hitting on you the first time
I said hi to you.

You are so smart
and
beautiful at the same time
since I first saw you.

You had flaws,
no doubt,
but it made you beautiful.
I don't think I've met a girl like that
before.

Yes, I'm angry.
Why aren't you talking?
Is it because of him?
A sloppy second?

You deserve so much better.
Just saying.
You are my literally star.

Please do come here.

2011: To Rut or Not To Rut?

Yes, it's a New Year.

A decade has passed,
another begins.

Although it's a new beginning,
why the Rut?

A Rut begins when
the settling and honeymoon end,
a new period of life begins.

A Rut ends when
the new anticipated period begins,
a dream ends.

Sounds good?
Sounds horrible?
Possibly both.

It's nice and worrying at the same time.

In a Rut,
We are in control.
We are living our life.
We are following God's plan.

We know what we are going to do,
We know what is need to be done,
and
We get it done,
We do it all over again.

We excel in life.
We master our destiny.

Scratching the floor,
our minds wondered.

Wondered the 'if's.
Wondered the past lovers.

True love does lies in past lovers.
If it comes back to you,
it is true.

Perfectly lonely.
But never wanting to commit.
Just being in the idea is content.
But selfish.
Perfectly lonely.

After love,
our mind goes to others.

We then realize,
we can never be in Rut.

The possibility is vast.
The world is my oyster.

2011, let's make the best out of it. :)